2012- Goin' Paperless

I write in an adult paper diary on a weekly basis (not a porn journal; "diary" just seems odd for a 28 year-old woman to have, although I'm sure one could uncover some pretty dirty stories within their pages), and I often find myself leaving things out specifically to forget them. Not this year, bitch. 

Tomorrow I start school for Audio Engineering, meaning I will be at home in Los Angeles for 9 consecutive months - the longest I've been in one place since I was a teenager. I yap constantly, so this is my way of reaching all of my distant friends while I'm stuck here getting smarter. The beauty? They can read what I have to say, and skip the shit they don't care about and not feel like jerks. Or skip all of it, I'll never even know. Still with me?

I wish I could introduce myself, but it's impossible. My name is Jenny, but that really doesn't mean anything, does it? I could tell you what I do for fun (everything), what my favorite book is (One Hundred Years of Solitude), or what movie scenes will forever make me cry (when Liv Tyler says goodbye to Bruce Willis at the end of Armageddon); how I am a little sister (to Dave) and grew up in Southeast Michigan; I have both Bi-Polar II and ADHD; If someone gives me jewelry I never ever take it off until it breaks. I guess I'm the only person that could describe myself correctly, but it's up to you to decide which parts of me you remember when introducing me to someone else. 

They're called Jenny-isms. The things I do that my friends and family find annoyingly endearing. There are thousands of them, proven only by the fact that I annoy myself far beyond anyone else. One of the best compliments I ever received stated that I "am the only person [he] has ever met that is truly one of a kind", my heart melted and I go to sleep every night hoping that it's true.

Throughout this coming year it would mean a lot if you checked up on me using this blog as a conduit. Perhaps by the end of it we'll both know me a little bit better. I'll try to save the worthless stories for my adult paper diary. 

Below are the answers to some questions you may have in the future:

• The tattoo on my chest is the most personal one I have. The number is not my phone number, it is how many minutes are in a year. My collar bone says "Honor Bright", in my family if you are confronted with the question "Honor Bright?" then by no means can you respond with a lie. The epitome of trust. And yes, you idiot, of course it hurt. 
• UCB stands for Upright Citizens Brigade
• March 24th is my re-birthday of quitting my addiction to opiates
• JK-47 is my rap call sign
• I'm single because I had my heart broken one too many times
• 34D
• Sweatpants is the name of my cat, not to be confused with the obvious
• No, it doesn't happen to every guy
• I have no idea when the next Off With Their Heads record is coming out
• My new years resolution is to learn how to put myself first
• I invented the malicious Left-Handed Dry Hand Job
• I don't use Twitter
• No, I didn't listen to your voicemail
• Those pants make you look gross
• Five times in one day
• In the movie Mallrats if you pause the screen to look at the Magic-Eye poster, it is not a sailboat, it's a cluster of geometric shapes. 
• The reason I don't put ice in my soda is because I don't drink it in time to prevent it from getting watered down

back and forth, back and forth, into infinity.